Jan 28 2010 Published by under Friday Weird Science

Happy Thursday Weird Science. 🙂
Apparently NASA astronauts have undergone secret testing (very secret, I can't get the report, too bad, too) for the examination of sex in space! This could be important for the survival of people in 0G for long periods of time, gotta propagate the species somehow. And Sci thinks it's long past time, I mean, what have all the astronauts been DOING in space all this time?! Playing cards (ok, maybe)?!
You can see the report here. But sadly, it doesn't say WHAT the 10 top positions turned out to be, except that missionary was simply "not possible".
Sci has to think it would be hard to have sex in space when you're specifically testing certain positions and being videotaped for posterity. The only thing that might make it worthwhile would the opportunity to say "" while you do it.
Like this guy:

22 responses so far

  • Tim Eisele says:

    Amusing. This sounds like a resurrection of something that's been floating around for a long time. I think it's a mutated version of an article that I remember reading in "Analog" ("The Three Dolphin Club", by G. Harry Stine, April 1990). The author was presenting it as fact, but with no actual documentation whatsoever, so it could very easily have been completely made up.

  • arvind says:

    I think they're more likely to yell "I've had it with these motherfucking positions in this motherfucking space!"

  • debaser says:

    Oh NO! What will the space-missionaries of the future DO?!?! Do you just refer to doggy-style as "space-missionary"? Also, I think this research is quite important. Just imagine the market for zero-G cumshots. The porn industry could become a major player in getting us into a more permanent Low Earth Orbit.

  • Scicurious says:

    debaser: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

  • Stacy L Mason says:

    Alas, youtube has failed to deliver an appropriately canned sounding funk redux of "Also Sprach Zarathustra" for use as a soundtrack to the purported video of space boots knockin's.

  • Stacy L Mason says:

    I recall a rule about space food, don't eat the brown M&M.
    Regarding Debasers comment, don't eat the pina colada jellybean either...unless it's in the script.

  • Amoeba says:

    The mile-high club is so passé these days. The 60-mile high club is much more exclusive and you even get a free video.

  • Raging Bee says:

    The big problem with 0G sex would be anchorage: without at least a little gravity holding both partners down on a bed, chair, floor, whatever, partner A would have to be held or strapped onto the "working surface," and partner B would then have to be hanging on, held or strapped to partner A. The whole time. Or at least during the actual shagging. There's probably a good bit more leeway during foreplay, depending on both partners' tastes.

  • Dr Becca says:

    "OK, we're recording now. Just act natural, like the crew's not here...and that there's gravity."

  • Coturnix says:

    - Is it up yet?
    - Depends on your frame of reference...

  • frog says:

    What -- Nasa isn't composed of Mr. Spocks?

  • abb3w says:

    Raging Bee: The big problem with 0G sex would be anchorage: without at least a little gravity holding both partners down on a bed, chair, floor, whatever, partner A would have to be held or strapped onto the "working surface," and partner B would then have to be hanging on, held or strapped to partner A.
    1) Light bondage is one of the more popular kinks out there
    2) Bungee cord tie downs are reportedly standard equipment for shuttle flights.
    I suspect the "wet spot" would be a less trivial engineering problem.

  • Raging Bee says:

    Another question is, how much hugging and cuddling do the partners want to do, either during or after? That would affect how and where the restraints would be placed.
    And at what point in the mission planning did the idea of sex pop up, as it were? Did a high-ranking officer or scientist suggest it and offer detailed plans and experimental procedures, or did one or more couples just say "Hey, why don't we have a shag up there and see how it goes?" Was there a Cold-War-style race to be the first to do it?
    And about those bungee cord they come in velvet? Did some sex-toy store have a contract to supply them, or was it on a GSA schedule? Enquiring bureaucrats want to know...
    I guess the next step would be 0G conception and pregnancy...

  • Monica says:

    Apparently, there has already been at least one sex in space study published by the Russians. You should look for the reference. I guess they beat us out in that respect.

  • nsib says:

    I hate to be a killjoy, but I think Tim @1 has the right of it.

  • Scicurious says:

    nsib, you are NO FUN. But it looks like you may be right. Rats!

  • Art says:

    Are we to assume, seeing as that being an astronaut was an exclusively male profession for the first twenty years or so, is still mostly male, that they were/are exploring the gay sex? That would put a completely different complexion on the 'right stuff' tradition and a slightly different spin on being 'a man's man'. Those astronauts always struck me as little too 'butch' than strictly necessary. Finding out they might have been experimenting with the gay might explain a lot.

  • Jer Breck says:

    "Only four positions were found possible without "mechanical assistance". The other six needed a special elastic belt and inflatable tunnel, like an open-ended sleeping bag."
    Wow. An inflatable tunnel? How did they foresee the need for that? Clearly, zero-g sex physics are more advanced than we think.

  • ENT-TT says:

    Check out "The Uranus Experiment". Here's an excerpt from the "Sex in Space" article on Wikipedia: "Private Media Group filmed a brief scene for the space-themed pornographic film The Uranus Experiment in a Russian aircraft flying a parabolic track (similar to NASA's Vomit Comet). The Uranus Experiment features around 20 seconds of pornography actors Sylvia Saint and Nick Lang (who portray astronauts living on a space station) having sex in freefall. The scene was nominated for a Nebula Award, but did not win."
    And uh, yeah, I've seen it 😉
    @Raging Bee
    I think Peter Hamilton had it right with his "padded cage" idea. Basically a spherical lattice with padding, you crawl inside and have all sorts of useful hand-holds and reactive surfaces.
    I think Weird Al Yankovic (heh) covered that idea with his spoof "The White Stuff".
    The Wet Spot.. sounds like a great idea for a sci-fi horror B movie. "They made their launch. They had their fun. Now a mysterious radiation from the depths of space will make them pay for their dalliances! There's no stopping what can't be stopped, no mopping what can't be mopped! The Wet Spot! Cuming to a theatre near no-one."

  • michaeliharris01 says:

    Hahahaha, what a laugh! Well, thinking about it, it's just logical. It's the most expensive motel there is but they should focus more on important things than their own lust. The gsa schedule contract should not encourage it, pornography industry will just have more ideas giving the space industry a dirty image.

  • Stephen says:

    Note the retraction issued on January 30:
    "In the story below, the Nasa report cited by Pierre Kohler proved to be a hoax."

  • Chonna says:

    Hahaha, great amusing post! I am seriously picturing how this gravity defying activity can be done now! What a feat it would be to be the first to have sex in space! Thanks for the laugh.

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