After all, what is more festive than candy striped underwear, right? Well, HERE is how to create your own, entirely without the trouble of dyeing, or going out and buying the stuff. All you need is white underwear, and a LOT of these:
Perhaps, in keeping with the air of jollity of the season, I shall express myself in verse.
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all thru Dermatology
not a creature was stirring: this isn't cardiology!
The Dermatologists were nestled all snug in their bar
Drinking of their eggnog, smoking the occasional cigar
Talking over cases, the common and the strange
what diagnoses to keep and prescriptions to change
When one man stood up, making every good doctor stare
said "Did you all hear of the DYED UNDERWEAR?!
"Into my clinic one morning" said the man, with a stutter
"walked in a young nurse with a very grave matter.
Her undies were stained a bright pink, so you see
And she could not figure out what the cause might be.
A healthy young woman, with no lice or nits
The only problem being pink stain of the pits.
"Well, I puzzled it over, obtained informed consent
And from her I took sweat samples and went
to her clothing as well, the stains I purified
To see what odd chemicals could be espied
Imagine my shock and surprise there to see
Several compounds of a somewhat reddish chemistry!
Truly her sweat was colored, and the clear diagnoses
A truly rare case of red chromhidrosis!
"Tho my patient was healthy, with nothing the matter
I now probed to find if she were much of a snacker
And truly to tell, she soon told me of a snack
Which which she was obsessed, the Tomato Nik Nak.
When I looked at the package, I soon cried "EUREKA!"
These Nik Naks are completely full of Paprika!
On Tomato color, on powder number 04181
On paprika 03200, on color 2148249!
"The case was a story of a girl Nik Naks smitten
Who by a red colored snack bug had been bitten
She ate far too many, the red outcome was bleak
Eating 500-2,500 GRAMS of them per week!
With all of the chemicals those chips contained
Soon her sweat began to be cheerily stained!
So telling her, I triumphed, her obsession she beat
And I thought "As a case study, this one's real sweet!""
The other dermatologists looked at him with awe
The man who's seen undies red as a Macaw
And they cheered with gusto, raised their glasses on high
To the doctor with a discerning chemical eye
And as the docs headed out with their beer and their snacks
'Merry Christmas to all, and stay away from Nik Naks!'"
Cilliers J, & de Beer C (1999). The case of the red lingerie - chromhidrosis revisited. Dermatology (Basel, Switzerland), 199 (2), 149-52 PMID: 10559582