Charlie Sheen: A new kind of WIN-NING, and one heck of a drug

Mar 10 2011 Published by under Synaptic Misfires

I have to admit that I'm loathe to pay any attention to celebrity meltdowns. First off, because these people are often suffering a great deal, must they do it while the entire world looks on and slavers over what they are going to do next? And secondly, because then people go around looking for experts to ask them to give their opinions on someone they don't know, leading to some spectacular instances of misdiagnosis where no diagnosis is warranted in the first place, not to mention some crazy amounts of fail.

But then Genomic Repairman proposed a grant, and well, I'm a real sucker for grants. And it's not just about Charlie Sheen and what he did and what he's got and why, it's about what Charlie Sheen is ON. Which is, of course, CHARLIE SHEEN.

You may not have known this until now, but Charlie Sheen has been sweeping our nation, invading our homes and businesses, spreading like a fog via seemingly innocuous sites like Perez Hilton.

And so we wonder. What kind of a drug IS Charlie Sheen? What does it DO? How do people obtain it? Leigh has some preliminary thoughts on the possible mechanisms of action of Charlie Sheen, and I would like to add my own here.

First off, mechanism. As you might know (and as was mentioned in the comments), a drug is only as good as its receptor. And its possible to have more than one type of receptor. The question here is how Charlie Sheen causes WINNING without also causing FAIL. After all, WINNING and FAIL may be conceived as opposed in the opponent-process theory, and so most drugs causing WIN may also cause corresponding increases in fail. So my hypothesis is that there are two receptors at which Charlie Sheen acts (henceforth known as CB receptors, because Charlie Sheen is known to be Bi-Winning). Thus, you may get agonist effects at the CB-WIN receptors, while you might get antagonist effects at the CB-FAIL subtype.

But there is another question. What TYPE of drug is Charlie Sheen? We know it causes winning, and due to the way its taken over the nation, I have to wonder if its an inhalant. It is clearly not an opiate, does appear to have some but not all stimulant properties, and is entirely distinct from alcohol. The effects appear to be more complicated than those of hallucinogens.

I would like to propose herein that Charlie Sheen represents a NEW CATEGORY of drug. A new category that I would like to call the delusionogens. These types of drugs probably share mechanisms of action, and produce effects in many brain areas, resulting in hallucinations, stimulant properties, and predominating feelings of winning. Look out for the delusionogens, I have a feeling these are going to become incredibly well known and sought after drugs in our society.

3 responses so far

  • leigh says:

    another other option, naturally, is that CB-WIN is a positive modulator of WIN neuron firing, while CB-FAIL is simply a negative regulator of same. if Charlie Sheen happens to be a full agonist at both subtypes- bam, there's your magic and poetry and shit.

    perhaps DEA will make their ambiguous clusterfuck ruling against the delusionogens any day now and then shrug their shoulders at enforcing it...

    /cringes

  • DrugMonkey says:

    aha! "delusionogen" class. Why are we just discovering this now? Awesome breakthrough on the Charlie Sheen, Sci.

  • Zuska says:

    And when they give you the Nobel, I'll say "I was there when she made the discovery of a whole new class of drugs...it was a tremendous time."

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